22 Mar 2015

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When you think of The Wizard of Oz’s cast of villains, you most likely think of the flying monkeys and the Wicked Witch of the West, and maybe the pissy apple trees and the green dudes guarding the WWotW’s castle.

Also known as ‘Winkies.’ True story.

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You remember the story, right? A tornado whisks Dorothy and her house from sepia Kansas to technicolor Oz, where it promptly lands on a witch and kills her. So, as soon as Dorothy walks out of her house, she walks out guilty of manslaughter. Or witchslaughter.

And that’s when Glinda the Good Witch floats down and merrily interrogates Dorothy to find out if she is a good aOlernKienOP
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"And remember only bad people are disabled, Dorothy"

You caught that, right? Beautiful = good? OK next, Glinda calls out the munchkins to celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch of the East. And not with just a little round of applause and quick moment of silence either, but a full on song and dance routine, parade and mayoral declaration of a holiday. Even the coroner gets in on the party.

"It’s like Saddam’s execution all over again."

The festivities end when the corpse’s sister, the Wicked Witch of the West, shows up, understandably pissed that her sister was killed by a falling building. Here’s where Glinda goes from sinister to psycho.

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Imagine the audacity it takes to steal anything off a dead person, especially while the body is still warm. And Glinda doesn’t just steal her shoes, she somehow magics the WWotE’s feet so that they curl into those curly party horns you blew at birthday parties when you were a kid. Nevermind that those feet were the only means the munchkins had of dragging a witch corpse out from under aOlernKienOP
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So, Glinda steals the shoes, THEN, she straight sells Dorothy out by telling the Witch that the shoes are now superglued to the girl. Dorothy just stands there like a chump while Glinda whispers that the slippers must be super magic or the Wicked Witch wouldn’t want them.

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