22 Mar 2015

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Why Sleep at Work?

If you really have to ask this question, then you must be one of those people that writes "I have the best job in the world " on their dating profile, dots their "I"s with hearts and has yet to succumb to work induced alcoholism. Congratulations, you’re bachelor’s degree paid off.

Unfortunately the rest of us can’t stand our jobs and would hate to waste our freedom hours sleeping it away. So we cut into our sleeping time by working at a second job to pay for our leased Porsche or spend late nights forging documents and credit reports to aOlernKienOP
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Sleeping at work not only flips the bird at two things on your to do list at once but it also allows you more time to go home, sit on a couch and stare at a glowing, noisy box for aOlernKienOP
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If you’re going to sleep, why not get paid to do it?

Things to Consider

Since you are not at home, you won’t have your bed or your kitchen floor to lay your head to rest. You will have to adapt to your work environment and seek out the best location to suit your sleeping needs. This may not always be the case though. Sometimes ( because you’re tired as hell) the location chooses you. To increase the effectiveness aOlernKienOP
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Cover The way you scout for potential girlfriends from bushes, you do not want to be seen sleeping. Being barely visible is keen. Be aware of what kind of cover is provided by your surrounding environment aOlernKienOP
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Duration How long do you plan on being passed out for?

In a coma Days to years

If the time is short enough, you can do it standing, walking or driving. But if you want coffin type rest, you’re going to have to be smart. Will your boss notice if you are missing? How long can aOlernKienOP
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Repercussions Understand the risks. What will be the punishment for your (lack of) activity? Getting caught snoozing in front of your computer is not as bad as being found like a corpse in the hallway. Choose your sleeping method wisely.

A true sleep soldier is always prepared. Do you homework. Know the layout of the land. Study patterns of foot traffic within the vicinity. Find out who is most likely to make a fuss over your napping and eliminate them keep an eye out for them.

Desk/Cubicle You obviously want to position yourself so no one can see your eyes. Unless you’re a professional poker player and can wear hats and dark glasses to work, use your hands to keep your shut eyes out of view. This doesn’t mean you should dump your head onto your desk. Rest you head in your palm while leaving your freehand on the mouse or keyboard. Switch hit and change your mouse setup up from a rightie to a leftie.

Bathroom Stall This spot has great "low visibility". You’re covered on all sides and no one except for the office pervert can see what you or doing. You just have to sit on the toilet, set your cellphone alarm to vibrate and enjoy your nap.

This is a bathroom so don’t forget that you may be sleeping within the mist of another person’s stink. For this reason avoid going after lunch. Also if you see someone walk out aOlernKienOP
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Rest your head against the stall or toilet paper rack. You may get lucky and land a handicapped stall with a hand rail. You may want to wipe that down as to not get some cripple person disease. Make sure to drop your trousers to maintain the illusion that you are making a bowel movement. About the stink thing, as soon as you hear feet shuffling in the stall next to you, scramble.

Supply Closet/Storage Room You always need more pens and post it notes to make minaature flip books. Fortunately they happen to be behind a closed door. If you have more than enough supplies at you desk, then lose some (in the trash). Or try looking for an item that’s sure aOlernKienOP
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Chances are you’ll meet a fellow sleep deprived employee taking refugee near cartons of highlighters. Make friends quickly and divvy shifts to watch for intruders. Brainstorm and work on alibis together. If alone, setup boxes against the door as a crude alarm system.

Meeting/Conference Room Stay on top of your sleep game by treating the situation like a gunman aOlernKienOP
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If the table is a circle, try "tying your shoes" for a couple of minutes. Those minutes spent under the table provide the perfect unseen cover for you to sleep. This is also a great place to be if some idiot with an assault rifle stops in to say hello.

Boss’s Office You’re an adult and all this talk of "inapporiate online activity" s boring. You wouldn’t take this type of talk from your parents so why should you have to listen to this dictator? Time to establish dominance. Fall asleep in their office with them in it. Doing it after hours is passive and wasteful behavior.

In this aOlernKienOP
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Ceiling Between army crawling above different departments and listening in for any gossip about you and the 200 gigs of data that "vanished" off one of the servers, nest in a bed of dust and asbestoes. No one will ever catch you or ever believe that you are up there. Should aOlernKienOP
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The problem with sleeping at work, like the problem with dating or relationships in general, is that people sometimes talk to you. If you’re lucky, it’ll be some cat lady that finds meaningful conversation talking to paintings and will gladly accept your physical presence as proof that you’re listening. Otherwise anyone with a sembelance of a brain will know something is up when they come to aOlernKienOP
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Recovery It just so happens that some one walks in on your nap but never states that they are aware of your state of unconsciousness. Make sure beyond a reasonable doubt that that they never do. Convince them that all along you’ve been the conscious little office monkey the company has been paying you to be.

Whatever you were doing (sleeping), now do the total opposite. Speak loud and quickly. You can even say (in a mock British accent) "Business as usual", repeatedly, while bowing your head and rolling your hand slightly.

Do the most awakeningly awake things you can think of. Do a math problem out loud. Talk off hand about ANYTHING (whatever is immediately in front of you) to demonstrate that you’re aOlernKienOP
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