Department of Transportation, a Supergirl comic released in 1986 encouraged children to buckle up. After all,
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"Look how well that worked out for me!"

To show the harsh consequences of what could happen if you don’t wear your seat belt, the creators of the comic chose the most down to earth and relatable plotline they could envision: Supergirl and some children are transported to a world inhabited by characters from nursery rhymes and fairy tales, all of whom are terrible drivers (and just terrible people, in general). For example, Humpty Dumpty is a taxi driver whose eggshell skull gets cracked in a fender bender because he refused to use a seat belt. We guess that’s one way to teach kids about deadly cranial fractures.

He still fared a lot better in this story than in the nursery rhyme, though.

Supergirl also has a run in with the Three Little Pigs,
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Yes,
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Meanwhile, the Big Bad Wolf has a serious case of road rage, and tries to run the Little Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe (but now drives a Honda Accord) off the road. Judging by how wound up the guy seems, he might be on coke as well.

In fact, we’ll assume that everyone here is, including whoever wrote this comic.

Eventually the comic runs out of classic children’s stories to ruin,
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Don’t worry, those kids are never going into a car again after this.

So what have we learned? For starters, don’t do drugs,
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If you grew up in the ’90s,
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This being the ’90s,
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The cartoon opens with Captain Planet saving the day when part of a skyscraper inexplicably collapses. Captain Planet explains that the cause of the near disaster was the city’s population growing too fast. Not terrorism or just plain shitty construction somehow having lots of people around causes buildings to spontaneously crumble.

"This is all your fault,
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The Planeteers decide that "Everyone should have fewer children," and praise countries that restrict births . with the exception of Wheeler (the jackass American),
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We learn that the rats became intelligent (and bipedal) after a nuclear test happened near their island, so they began building their own modern cities and such, but then they started running out of food as their numbers grew and fell into a fascist dictatorship. If they’d just used that guy as the supervillain, it would have been a much better episode.

1. If You Hurt Animals, the X Men Will Mess You Up

What do you get when you combine the X Men and Doris Day,
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In 2004, the Doris Day Animal League (which in this context sounds like an awesome superhero team, but it’s actually a nonprofit animal advocacy group) joined forces with major comics publishers for a program called Comics for Compassion. As part of this program, special animal themed issues of certain comics were produced, including a story where the X Men tackle the problem of animal abuse the same way they’d deal with a Sentinel attack: by using their mutant powers to terrorize a bunch of kids.

The story introduces a new mutant named Squid Boy, who has the ability to breathe underwater and,
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All the cool fish related powers were already taken by Aquaman,
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After Squid Boy discovers some mutilated fish by his favorite swimming spot, he goes to Jean Grey,
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We’re not sure if Jean’s dialogue is supposed to be horrifying or arousing.

Once Jean learns that the dog was murdered by some boys who also killed the fish, the rational superhero response would have been to visit those kids and teach them that hurting animals is wrong: they are teenagers,
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Before Wolverine can murder anyone, however, Jean Grey shows up and uses her telepathic powers to torture the boys by making them experience all the pain they had inflicted on the animals, including what it feels like to have their arms cut off.