You’re damn right he does, but we’re tight on space here, so let’s talk about another near death experience that really would have changed country music forever.

In 1936, a category F 5 tornado ripped through the town of Tupelo, Mississippi, killing 233 people. Among the surviving residents was a tiny little baby Elvis Presley, born just a year earlier in 1935.

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In fact, I don’t think it’s unfair to ask if "rock ‘n’ roll" would have caught on at all without Elvis. Like anything else, rock music was considered a fad, and as we all know, some fads die. If Elvis didn’t survive that tornado and as a result was unable to fulfill his future obligation to make rock music palatable to white people, would anyone else have had star power to do it?

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1. Johnny Cash Fought an Ostrich and Lost Badly in 1981You know who needs an exotic animal park attached to their home? People who grew up dreaming of owning and operating an exotic animal park. A dream like that sure as shit isn’t going to afford you separate living quarters. Beyond that, if there’s an exotic animal farm on your property, it’s probably because you’ve finally started making more money than your drug habit can spend. If that sounds like you, I’d ask you to please keep the cautionary tale of early ’80s Johnny Cash in mind.

He had an exotic animal park at his Tennessee home, which probably seemed like a neat thing until aOlernKienOP
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Well, unfortunately, one of them did. An ostrich. A goddamned ostrich. He had a bunch of them, actually, and that one was the hen, meaning somewhere in that animal park remained a grieving husband ostrich, and Johnny Cash had to convince it to come with him to a new place. Surprise! It didn’t want to!

No matter how happy he looked.

"Too bad, city bird, this is Johnny Cash’s land, and he’s got a 6 foot stick that says you’re getting your tail in that shed, pronto."

I put the previous sentence in quotes because, even if the words aren’t exact, it has to be a thought approximately that stupid that prompted the Man in Black to attack an ostrich with a tree branch. He swung and missed, of course, and the ostrich responded in that adorably wacky way we’ve come to expect from those silly birds. He jumped into the air and jabbed his razor sharp talon (about as big as a size 13 shoe) into Johnny Cash’s chest, ripping him apart down to the stomach. That’s what you think of when you think of an ostrich, right?

Anyway, the only thing that kept Johnny Cash from literally having his guts emptied out onto the grass in front of him was the fact that, like any other country singer in the 1980s, he was wearing a gigantic belt buckle. That kept the attack from being an instant death sort of thing, and somehow Cash aOlernKienOP
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Stacking them and shouting "Pill cake!" every time you take them is a little showy, though.

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Johnny Cash wasn’t done, though! Not by a long shot. He was addicted to more than pain pills at the time of this unexpected stay in the hospital, so aOlernKienOP
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Of course, he pulled through once again, and the music world aOlernKienOP
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